This Is Me....Take It or Leave It...

dreamfreak101 @ 2004-12-30T10:57:00

2004-12-30T16:16:37Z

you know i really should start getting on more!!!! any way a lot has gone down since that novemebr day! my family went some fights from thanksgiving till a lil before christmas. it was nbad where we couldnt even talk to my step mom and when were to go to my dad for things he wouldnt know what to say becasue usually vicki is our answer to everything but they were so close to splitting a few times. she told us not to help her with anything and evrything and thats exactly what my brother and i did and we still got yelled at for everything we didnt do or did do. one day she took my phone away becasue i didnt tell her my sister called for my dad then another time she took my stereo and tv away becasue i didnt help unload the trucka dn then she took my homework and threw it in joshs room and told me to sit on my bed to think about whati have done wrong. i couldnt do anything but laugh at her. i didnt to her face that would have been mistake but then my dad came home and we ended up having a family talk..... i was saying something asnd vicki told me to shut up and i yelled at her and said "my dad said we are coming out here to talk and thats exactly what i am going to do" and she didnt say anything and my dad and brother apologized becasue thats what she wanted and she looked at me and asked "is that it?" i didnt answer i was to mad and crying to hard to speak so i still havent apologized i told my dad ill apologize when i find out what i did wrong. and til this day i havent yet. but since that day we have been acting more like a family a little better. then christmas morning hit!!!! wow! CHRISTMAS it self was great but not the morning my dad had put the turkey stand in the sink and vikci turned around got mad and threw it on the ground and began cursing at him and then it got down to her not having family here wiht her and she sadi to her son that it wasnt his fault nor her daughters and my dad said "yeah its my kids that did it" and i was sitting right there. come on!!! i just got up and left before she saw tears stream down my face! thats the worst thing ever is to cry on christmas (for a bad reason) you know? but things ar getting better as the days go by and im glad! i just wish it would be back to normal where we got in trouble for kid stuff not everything we do wether its right or wrong. but anyways enough about family!!!!!!!!!!! for christmas i got a digital camera, dvd player, keyboard stand, and other little things! i was suprised to get what i wanted this year becasue i told them all i wanted was a digital camera anda keyboard stand and thats what i got :) hope everyones christmas was good or what other holidays are celebrated during december!! and have fun on new years guys!!! thats all for now!!!

dreamfreak101 @ 2004-11-13T22:52:00

2004-11-14T04:00:25Z

hey guys!!! i dont even know when my last entry was made all i know is that i have been busy.. um lets see to say what has happened would take forever the important stuff... i have a new boyfriend now his name is adam thomas he goes to first colonial and uh we have been going out since october 30 and yeh oo my mom is making me go to the geneacologist (i dont know how to spell that if you do let me know im curious) ill just say the doctor... she doesnt want to do "anything" so whatever better safe thn sorry i guess its not like im going to rush into it you know i am definately not ready yet!! any way different subject uhhh my mom has been treating everyone differently daily some days good and the others crappy i dotn know whats wrong with her.. but she got out of the hospital a lil while ago and was moody when she got home i dont know why youd expect soemone to be nice when they get home from the hospital for five days right? yeh whatever i guess thats just her i miss hanging with all my friends i wish my parents let me do more than they do (which is very little) and i need to stop putting on an act all the time its not good for me and i have learned that now!! but with that said i am going to go and rest i will see you all on monday or at least most of you :)

dreamfreak101 @ 2004-10-30T12:24:00

2004-10-30T16:27:27Z

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My week and weekend!!

2004-10-25T00:29:42Z

My week was great!! Ok so I lied so what. I stayed after everyday except Monday, and on Monday I missed my bus  umm I helped publicity paint their flats and that was fun except when I got paint on my pants but I’m not going to complain I shouldn’t have been wearing them!! On Friday I stayed after and didn’t go home until after the game. It was us (Kellam) against Green Run of course we won I think it was 41 to 13 then Saturday I went bowling yeah I did pretty good I got 126, 138, 127 and my average is a 115 so I am proud of myself! I saw JOSH and, his dad told me that I talked Josh into transferring to Kellam, he is leaving Ocean Lakes for Kellam next month!! I’m happy  um aftre bowling I came home and did some chores and I was going to go to the movies with my ex boyfriend (don’t ask why please) but I didn’t have a ride so I couldn’t go!! I was glad he called me and asked me though!! Instead I went to the Homecoming Dance and hung out with Kelly, Jessica, Joe & some other theatre people and then also Ashley Cates, her boyfriend, Kasey and her two friends, and Amber and everyone she was with. It was actually pretty fun. But I have had a better time at a dance before…. Umm.. Amber gave me a ride home and then today Sunday I havent really done anything I woke up at 10:00 put my laundry in and ate breakfast. And then when my parents got up I ended up staying in my room. I always stay in my room when they are up its weird but umm this past week was really boring and depressing…I came home one day from school and began making dinner and in the middle of ot I went to the bathroom , fell to the ground and started crying  I didn’t know why either I still don’t know why. I was really depressed and then I got up and just tried to act like nothing happened but it was noticeable and then it didn’t help that my brother was talking to my exboyfriend’s sister and asked me if I was mad at him. It think that made me more upset. I hate it when I cry for no reason I feel like a little kid… I hate that but whatever I hope this week will be better although I have to stay after all this week except Friday. But I’m looking forward to it and well for now I’m done I have to go get in the shower and get my things ready for a wonderful day at Kellam High School tomorrow!!

do you really know me?

2004-10-21T21:05:14Z

Dreamfreak101.friendtest.com TAKE MY QUIZ PLEASE

WHEW!!

2004-10-11T22:49:24Z

Hey my weekend was so awesome... umm friday i got home and got online and talked to sheas sister and well she tryed acting like she was someone else and tryed asking me if i liked anyone so she could show shea and i got all mad but i didnt tell her but whatever and then i went out side and hung out with cassidy at the bus stop(middle school) and then britney and brittany got off and well brittany had to go drop her stuff off at her house and then britney and cassidy had walked to her house and brittnay and i hung out until 5 then i went to walmart and i got britney's present at claires and before i had asked vicki for five dollars that she owed me and she yelled at me so my dad gave it to me and then she told to walk i said i am walking then she said walk faster i dont want to see your face!!!! urrggg she is so mean then her and my dad got in a fight and it was about milk and sugar so stupid!! but then i came home and got online not much and saturday i went bowling and saw ~*JOSH*~ and we talked and yeh i was the only one on team and the team that i wnet against had no one there and i got done at 10 30 i started at 10 i got done early. so i just hung around and around 1230 i got picked up and came home did chores (blah!) then i had to go to my parents friends daughters birthday she turned four!! she is so adorable and well ~*ADAM*~ was there Tommys cousin and well i met him before and we clicked really fast and he likes me and i like him so i was glad i was there but i had to leave at 545 so yeh and i got home and left again for britney mcintyres birthday party!! whew!!! it was fun..... umm i danced with ~*TANNER*~ and yeh him and Emily are going out so cute !! then i had a bunch of fun..... tyoo much to say but it was great although there was a little tiny thing that bothered me but im not going to say anything it was just fun too bad i had to be at 10!! i wanted to spend the night but NOOO vicki was being mean !! uggh!! but then sunday i went to church with shannon and her friend Brenda she is awesome. her brother is 17, graduated from high school, has a car, attends tcc and is HOTT!!!! whew!! but he has a girlfriend i want to go to church every sunday now!! lol but then i got home and had to babysit my neice she is cute and i tool her for a few walks and hung out with brittany husted and eventaully we hung out with ~*ADAM*~ and Tommy. god he is cute but he goes to First Colonial and is a freshmen unfortunately!! but he is 15 and is suppose to be in tenth grade so oh well i see him like once a month so it doesnt really matter!! but i still have ~*SHEA*~ on my mind all the time. i miss him alot and his sister didnt do much help either!! but i just had a fun weekend it may not sound too fun but it was one of the best in a long time i think it was becasue my parents actually let me out and did something for a change!! but also this guy named j. called me on sunday and asked me to go to the movies and well i told him no bc i had to babysit but i did also i didnt want to lol. then today in class he got on my nerves!! he is so touchy feely!! oo yeh ~*JOSH*~ asked me to go to the movies with him on saturday but i couldnt becasue of Britneys birthday party im glad i went and i found out from DEMI that he likes me back only a little but that can change !! and he is going to be moving this month and may got to Kellam too!! so im excited!! but i asked my friend that USED to like him if shed mind if anything were ever to happen and she said she would but i dont get it they never even went out!! and i liked someone and she asked me the same thing and i told her i didnnt care but ..... its so retarded.... im just going to go with the flow!! and hopefully she will be ok with it!! we'll see....... and ill let you know!! have a great week guys!!

I Cant Take It!!! haaaa jk

2004-10-05T22:24:23Z

school really sucks right now i failed my test in ap human geopgraphy and it counts twice(ahh two 44s thats scary) its killing my grade then i got my pictures errr i dont like them i want to take the retakes but no vicki queen of all bitches wont let me although everyone thinks they are cute but still..... all the guys i like happen to be freshmen is that bad? i dont know!!! then the school keeps calling my house saying that i as absent i freaken wasnt they have called like 10 times in the past 2 weeks ahhhh i hate it its so stress ful i dont wan to ee anymore grades untill they are ALL As or Bs ... not to sound greedy but i feel dumb if i get lower than that!! i dont even know why i let grades bother me usually i dont care maybe becasue they are always good ahh i dont know im going crazy!!!!!!! dude today i had ppl come up to me and ask me if i had money for them and i asked them what for and they wouldnt say for what so i said if its for weed or cigareetes then nope sorry dont support your habits, i mean i dont care if they do it but dont ask me for money for it you know lol????? but anywaus back to these guys they also happen to be my brothers friends!! one goes to kellam and one goes to ocean lakes but i seehim every staurday and he is moving next month to castleton and switching to kellam so im happy but also the one that already goes to kellam i think has a girlfriend and also he used to be obbsessed with my friend and she thinks he is really ugly but he isnt she just has high expectations she is too picky then the other my friend tara used to like and she keeps denying that she likes him now but i dont want to do that to her you know? but umm yeh what do you guys think?????? leave comments......<<<<<33333 candace

everyone is stressed!!!!!!!

2004-10-02T19:22:13Z

i have been reading evryones journals and i relaized that im not the only one that has freaken stress!!! is there some type of curseon us that has made us have this? if so i dont like it at all and it needs to end soon. my stress includes:

school
friends
family
people
ex boyfriend
drama
me
my house
just evrything in my life

it really sucks. why cant i get over all this? the one main thing that is giving me this is my ex boyfriend!! i guess since i am only fifteen i dont really know what LOVE is but i feel like i LOVE him and i didnt want to let go!! it is so hard bc he goes to a different school and we barely see each other hes grounded so he cant talk on the phone! evrytime i get online and he is on we talk for maybe 2 minutes and then he signs off. the other day i found out he likes someone else. i guess i cant get mad becasue i do kinda like someone also. but he doesnt know that i know he likes someone his friend bobby told me! which ,ight i add unforunately he liek sme and that is just making everything worse!! why do boys have to be so COMPLICATED? i dont think i am ready for LOVE or COMMITTMENT evryone keeps telling me that im only 15 i shouldnt have to worry about LOVE but its hard not to you know? but im rambling and yall probably dont really care about my GUY problems considering the fact you have some of your own. i just had to get it out. it feels better now that its down on something other my mind!!
life is so COMPLICATED evryone always says high school is suppose to be fun i havent really seen any yet the only type of fun i ahve seen is in the DRAMA department i love EVERYONE in it with out yall id be so lost

oh yeh side comment: liz i miss you being in at least one of my classes this year you always made me smile and happy i miss you!! i hope we get closer this year!! you make me smile :) i love you!!! im going to stop before i get teary eyed!!(i have been so emotional lately i hate it)

love you all have a great weekend yall!!

2nd week of school....

2004-09-17T19:13:46Z

hey you guys hope everyones year is going ok. mine gets better a little bit each day i go. so hopefully this year will be great!! theatre is going good as expected haha didnt audition but thats ok i prefer tech!! im kinda skiddish about going on stage you know? but anyways this year will be fun and i have been going out with this same guy for almost three months again(for the 4th time) and i think soon we might break up because we just keep fighting and i have qa really big feeling he is cheating on me but hey thats ok i can do better i think im seeing him tonight see how things go and then go with the flow see it would be better if he went to kellam but he goes to landstown but its cool he wouldnt like what i do in school so its ok!! but hey my friend is caling me!!! so ill update later!! have a good weekend everyone!! love you all!!

its september already!!

2004-09-01T16:35:12Z

well i m surprised its september already this summer has gone by so fast!! i loved it in the begining but now i kinda hate it!! ive been grounded since the begining of august and it sucks!! but since the last update lets see that week was pretty ok but i had to freaken babysit all week and never got paid!! which sucked but on friday my friend cassidy had come over and we were in my front yard and vicki asked her if she wanted to saty untill 12 to help me babysit and she said yeh so she did but at 12 she went home and she had to come back becasue her door was locked and she didnt bring her key and no one answered the door or phone so i said for her to stay at my house for the night my parents would understand nd they got home at 12 30 and were drunk of their asses but it was ok and we satyed up untill 6 and got up at 9 30 and vicki was pissed and said i couldnt go to the lunatic luau!! i was like ok whatevr becasue my dad said he would take care of it so that didnt bother me but the cassidy went home and saturday i babysat again and saturday night my parents went on a boat and i wnet out in my front yard and hung out with a lot of people and it was cool and i had to go in at 9 and i did then waited for my parents to come home and i went to bed and then in the morning i was waiting and waiting for my parents to say i can go and my dad was putting the new garage door on which looks nice by the way and vicki and vickey were at walmart and they came back at 12 20 and we left and i had to pay 30 dollars for my freaken ticket becasue the lawn tickets were sold out and so i did and i so many people there it was awesome and i think i pissed my boyfriend off becasue i didnt see him yet but i ahd called him and asked if he was still coming and he said yeh so i told him to call the phone i was on and he never did but it didnt bother me but he had been standing up against a tree and i didnt see him and i went up to friends and said hi and everything and then my friend from ocean lakes adam and i gave him a hug and then my friend britney was like hey there is shea and i ran up to him and pushed adam away i felt bad but i gave shea a hug and i was like lets go walk around and he was like no you go ahead of course i didnt but then his dad came up and was like ready to go walk around and he was like sure yeh and he walked off with out saying anything i was mad but i just went with the flow and he had called and see where i was i told him and he was like o ok never mind and so i just ignired it but then i waited for another hr and i called him to see if he could come meet me somewhere and i asked where he was and he was like " I dont know" how do you not know but then i waited another hour and called him again and he did the same thing and then i just went off with my sister my brother and her two friends and we hung out for a while then we met back up with the rest of the people we were there with and saw drowning pool it was awesome but then i had to leave at 7 i was so mad because i wasted 30 bucks on that then i found out we were going to saty longer but shannon and jimmy wanted to leave i was mad but i called shea right before we left and his dad said he was off somewhere and i said ok then we left and his birthday is on friday and yesterday i sent out a bday card for him and after i did that i found out he was going to break up with me i think it was because i hugged adam but i dont know i havent had the chance to talk to him lately becasue my phone is taken away and it sucks!! i really need to talk to him about it and find out the real reason he wants to!! i dont know if its becasue i hugged my friend then thats stupid!!

hey

2004-08-23T15:10:52Z

you guys are prolly wondering why i havent updated in so long!! well one because im grounded from the internet and two i went to camp!!lets see on the 12th i swhen i got grounded and ileft for camp on the 16th in the morning and didnt get back till friday at 1!!! it was so much fun although i got talked to becasue they dont think i know how to draw the line in being a camper and a cit(which is what i was (counselor in training)) and i just blew it off and had fun its amazing how many friends you can make in less than a week i cryed thursayd night becasue of the last campfire!! it was so sad!! and then seeing other people cry was just making it worse!! tear tear. but on friday morning i got everyines screen names and stuff and we watched a slideshow on the week and they played the song I WILL REMEMEBER YOU.... it was sad i got tears in my eyes again!! but i am definately going back next year!! but on friday when i got back home i was expecting to sleep in my own bed but guess what i have people from florida in town looking for a house and they are using my room and it is so messy and they are using my bed!! i want my room back but even when they do leave i still dont get my bottom bunk becasue my sister is living here AGAIN!! thats pissing me off really bad!! im not getting along wiht her like i used to ok my step mom is always saying that i need to keep people out of my room unless i am in there with them well guess who was in my room the whole i was gone my sister my brother and my stepmoms bestfriends son!! all in my room vicki is the one yelling at me to keep my door shut and to not let anyone in but whatever i cant wait till i get the lock for my room!! im gonna keep it locked everysecond of the day unless i am home!! and i am going to be the only one with the key!!! well umm yesterday i went to ocean breeze and met up with my friends from the neighborhood which i havent seen in like a month becasue ive been grounded and gone at camp and i hung out with them untill 5 then i had to go home and ate dinner and i found out the only thing im grounded from is the phone now untill saturday and i cant go to bush gardens with shea and i cant go to his party either!! i aksed in stead of me being able to go outside and stuff if i could go to his party and my parents said no well at least i can still see him!! so yeh!! well im going to go!!

Schedule

2004-08-23T14:47:47Z

ADAYS

1. ap human geog/lamm
2. honors eng 10/ henry
3. biology/oleary
4. drivers ed/ bernard(sem. 1)
health/pe bernard
BDAYS

1. intro theatre/ smith
2. german 3/ bradshaw
3. lunch & study block/ livaudais
4. geometry/ howard

any of the same classes leave comments!!!!

Schedule

2004-08-23T14:45:26Z

story time!!

2004-08-08T18:42:52Z

ok back in 2003on may 11(mothers day) i went on a ferry ride to north carolina. my step mom let me bring one friend so i brought britney mcintyre and it was me her my step mom my step moms friend janet her two sons and one of her sons friend and my next door neighbor and her daughter and my step moms friend jackson and her son and her grandson. we all went (not in the same car LOL) and my step moms friend janets sons friend liked me (his name is shea) and i like him i guess!! so as the day went by there was mad flirting going on and in the end he asked me out i said yes and just met him that day!! we all came back to my house to go swimming in my pool. whew there was a lot of people!! the when shea and everyone was leaving he went to go kiss me and i turned my head because i thought someone called my name but i was wrong it was pretty funny though... then later that month we all went to janets house for a little get together it was me my step mom matt(janets son) shea my friend cassidy and some other people i forget but we went walking around and a couple days later wa smy 14th birthday and shea gave me a diamond necklace (this was his second time seeing me) and i liked it and all then befoer we walked back to matts house shea and i stood behin da fence and he hugged me and then kissed me i didnt turn my head this time lol but then i had to go so yeh then later that month was my birthday and i had a party and he came and he got to stay a little later than everyone else except for the girls that were spending the night. and when he had to leave i was sitting on my bed and he held my chin up and gave me a kiss good bye all my friends were like AWWWWW and i was just like bye and then umm.......then later that summer i went to the movies with im and my friend ashley and we went to go see 2 fast 2 furious and he held my hand my hand the whole time and before he left we kissed again and then yeh he left and then in july my parents were having a pool party for the fourth of julyso they said i couldinvite him so idid we went to go see fireworkd and he held my hand the whole time and my parents laughed at me it was kinda funny but then we wnet back to my house and just played with sparklers and all went well and he had to leave again i dotn remember if we kissed that time lol probably though and then i saw him a couple other times after that i just dont remember exactly what we did but thats all the good stuff see it sounds like we always got along but ooo no we were always fighting first i found out by my brothers friend shea nade out with someone at ocean breeze when he was under water and this was the first thing that i ever heard of him cheating on me so i didnt believe it and i got over it but then one time i was on the phone with him and he told me that he had people watchin gme because this girl likes him a lot and she told the bloods to go and attack me i was like bull shit and he found out i sat on a guys lap and he wa mad haha. but then i broke up with him because i dotn want to be watched by other people i dont even know and it was the "crips" oooo so scary. then later that week i think a day later he asked me back pout and i said yes andthings went good untill i heard about this girl named seirra!! seirra was sheas sisters friend and she always spent the night over there for some reason i never trusted the fact that he didnt do anything with her. i ve heard stuff in the past that has happened that they used to like each other and this didnt help that he lives near salem elementary school. and went to landstown middle so yeh but i never found out wether he did anything with her but then another thing that happened was that i thouhgth he liked my friend leah and come to find out he did and she like him too i was kinda of upset but then got over it then another thing that happened was he called me and told me he might have been beaten into as gang or some shit like that at the time i was scared but after that i was like whatever thats bull crap but we broke up twice before we saw eachother another time and on august 2nd of 2003 was my brothers 13th birthdya party and shea came and i broke up with him and he ran away over the fence into the woods and over a few ditches and then my friend kyle ran after him and shea started hitting him with a stick lol and kyle had him in a head lock and he threw on the ground and i couldnt help but laugh and cry at the same time. but then when he got up he ran out the other gate and ran all the way up the street and came back and we talked and he asked would we ever go back out and i told him i didnt know i just need time and then he left and then i didnt talk to him for a while and then all of a sudden he called me adn said i love you when we hung up then i called him back two weeks and what do you know we were going out again and we are still on a roller coaster but things are smoothing out!!

Things Change!!

2004-08-05T17:04:11Z

i didnt really explain what exactly happened last entry!! lets see since july 20th(my last full entry) a lot has happened!! umm july 20th that nighti started staying at my next door neighbors house because i was going crazy in my room so crowded. cassidy came with me untill 10 then she went home!! then the rest of that week i stayed over there but in the mean timei went back to ocean breeze with cassidy and we found that guy i was talking in previous entry and his name is jacob he is fifteen. haha we are such stalkers. then on thursday i babysat and at night i found out danielle lost her cell phone!! so she blamed the kid i was watching because he came over with me to get ready for the day and a few days passed and we found out it was my sister that stole it!! geez!! my parents blamed it on me and i cryed becaus ei hat getting blamed for stfuff i didnt do you know? well the next day i spent the night at cassidys with morgan and we stayed up till 4 and i had to be home at 11 the next day so i was and i did nothing and on sunday i babysat untill 1100 and came home. and my boyfriend(shea) keeps making promises that he never keeps!! making me mad!! he promised hed come over a few times and never does. he finally cam over one day which was wednesday july 28th and we were up at the park all day because i was still babysitting and all and at 630 he had to leave so it was nice seeing him after almost a year gone by with out seeing him. then on thursday i went to the movies to see catwoman and my brothere went to go see anchorman with the guy that is staying with us and we got home at 10 and i got yelled at for so much stuff. i got yelled at for leaving earlier than i was suppose to and lying and being mouthy and letting my brother go see a different movie than i. i stayed up till 12 getting yelled at and the next dya we were all suppsoe to go to ocean breeze and we couldnt because of vicki and then when she got home she brought jimmy and i to ocean breeze i met up with brittany cassidy leah shea and james adn i only rode tow rides because we went in the wave pool most of the time!! and i was glad to see shea again and i had to leave at 6 and i couldnt find jimmy so i got yelled at for being 7 minutes late and vicki said if i were to just have come out there at 6 i wouldnt have gotten in trouble. but whatever and i was suppose to spend the night at leahs that night but i wasnt allowed to because i was 7 minutes late she claims i was 15 minutes late but i know i wasnt but lately shea and i have been fighting because leah used to like him and he used to like her and at ocean breeze when i left and they left brittany called me and told me leah was all over shea after that and shea was getting aggrivated and i called him and we worked it out and then we just keep getting into trust arguements i hate them. i always feel that we are going to break up but i know im not this time. well august first was joshs bday and his party it was originally from 1 to 5 but it got rained out so we pushed it back till 330 to 730 and i went to go call everyone adn only three ppl didnt show that were suppose to so it was a pretty good party. i ahd fun but my brother was dissappointed shea didnt show and i found out he went surfing with his dad and then he was off with his sisters best friend erika and i got mad then i found out that erika is sheas bestfriends sister adn his friend dustin went to the movies with a girland left him behind so him and erika went fishing interesting right? yeh whatever then this girl jamie keeps calling him while im on the phone with him and he used to like her and she used to like him and they have done stuff in the past (before we went out ) and she keeps calling hima dn i tell him to three wayy her so he can prove to me that he doesnt like her but he says he is to afraid that she is going to bring somehting up so that makes me mad if he really didnt like her then he would have three wayed her right? yeh thought so!! but what ever he is my baby and i love him to death!! i dont know what to do with out him. well lets see im really scared of my sister now she called te other and thretened me and said i better watch my back and she is goign to come out with some stuff!! and she obviously did someoen told my mom that i snuck out the hosue adn i found out shannon didnt tell her one of her friends did but that makes it better her friends dont even know me well enough and i didnt do anything to her or her friends. i just dont understand her!! but today is my last day of babysitting so im excited!!!

sayings!!

2004-08-03T21:13:52Z

you know all those really retarted sayings that no one understands? well i have been experiencing two of them
and they are:
"Everything happens for a reason!!"
"What goes around comes around!!"
i dont like it. ive been blamed for so much latley like ive been blamed for stealing my next door neighbors cellphone woa definately not me. ive been blamed for not doing chores ok soemtimes but im not the only one. ive been blamed for alot of things my broter does and i just got blamed for sneaking out of my house while my parents were gone to connecticut. wow so not like me!! i dont know what i did to all these people but i really dont think i deserve all of this. my parents keep grounding me!! uggh

This one is for you shannon!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-07-21T00:50:59Z

Happy 21st Birthday!! have fun and get drunk!!! be carefull i love you!!!!!!!

love always candace!!

my house is full.........

2004-07-19T13:50:16Z

hey well an update real quick.i am trying to hang on and bite my tounge still. i dont really know what im going to do when i explode. well two days ago company from florida came in and now we have 7 birds two cats and two dogs. holey cow!! lets see we have two sets of adults a 15 yr old a 14 yr old a 12 yr old and a 2 yr old in my house. i have to share my room with the 2 yr old and one set of adults. i have to sleep on my top bunk:( but yesterday my two cousins had to come over because my grandma is in the hospital so they spent the night last night too. i had to sleep on the couch!! ahh my 5 yr old cousin slpet in my top bunk and my other cousin hes 16 slept in my brothers room and my parents got to have there bed. but thats ok. i guess. friday night i hung out with demi and i was ogign to spend the night but her mom said no because demi just got back in from arkansas. so yeh i had to stay in my room the whole night because my parents had a few friends over in the back yard and they were trying so hard to get rid of me and josh. but htey couldnt me boy did i want to though. i had a nervous breakdown around 11 and i called demi and talked to her untill my parents came back inside the house. then on saturday i hung out with leah all day that was fun i havent spent time with her in soo long!!!!!!!! we went swimming almost all day and then we palyed uno with my sister and her friend janelle. fun fun then leah left around 10 (by the way my parents and the other set of parents were out on a boat.) they didnt get back till around 11. then yesterday i hung out with cassidy all day. we went to ocean breeze i thought it was goign to be a sucky day to go but it wasnt it wasnt that crowded either. i saw the wonderful melissa anderson... i love that girl. and then cassidy and i were watching this one guy that looked like river phoenix. ah so hot... then my dumb brother was like hey my sister and her friend think your hot and he looked back and smiled and said " o really" then we saw him again and he asked us what time it was. too bad we had to leave right when he got off his shift and i saw him with his shirt off!!!!!!!! ah so hot lol well i want to go back and soon too!!!!!!!!!!! well for now im out

dEpReSsEd

2004-07-17T14:00:03Z

ok the last real journal entry i wrote was on july 4th and well not much has happened since then. my parents came home adn the only that they have let me do is welll....... nothing!! all i do is get yelled at. and its not just like go to your room yelling i get called stupid and dumb and retarted and an idiot and unmeaningful and useless!! the only thing that does is make me cry every day i hear those words come out of my step moms mouth. and my dad nvr says ne thing except "are you done i came home for quiet not yelling" so he is no help. and evry time she calls my brother those things too i feel like they are being thrown at me. i have tried talking to my dad and evrythign i ever tell him goes back to her adn then she gets all pissed adn then i dont evr trust my dad agian. and i cant talk to her about it because shell deny evrything adn she does now i dotn know how much more i can handle of her calling me those names. im done hiding it from evryone i have been so depressed lately and no one has been able to realize it beacuse i hide it so well. well i cant hide it anymore its coming to the point where i want to run away but the sad thing is i have no where to run. i always go to my room that doesnt help im still in the house with her. i have put up with this for six years now and i have 3 more till im out of here thats what ppl keep telling me i dont know if i can hang on three more years. im going crazy. i need help. the other day i had to come inside because i didnt fill up the dog bowl before i left which the dog drinks really fast not to mention there are two animals drinking out of it so i had to come in at 5:30 for the rest of the night and thats when she told me i was useless and stupid and i think the whole world revovles around me i dont think that i know it doesnt. i went to my room and i wrote a pro and con chart up i had 30 cons and 15 pros on it. thats how bad she makes me feel. i started crying and then my sister came in and tryed hugging me and tryed making me feel better but it didnt help. but thanks for trying. i rilly dont know whats going to happen next time she calls me or my brother those names one more time. i have bitten my tounge long enuff i think its ok if speak what i want to speak right? i dont know. every time i put my opionon out i get yelled at for it because im ALWAYS wrong and she is always RIGHT!! i really need help i called my friend demi last night and cryed to her aboutit for over half an hour and i couldnt stop crying even when i hung up with her. my sister sabrina went thru this same thing at the same age and i called her and i asked what to do and she said just wait 3 more years and do everythign she tells you to do i cant just sit here and take that not anymore i have for 6 years i dont want to do it for 9 years. but she ended up moving out to her moms house her senior year and well i cant do that my mom is well i have no idea im going to go before i cant stop my self from crying

what color are you? red blue white or yellow

2004-07-14T15:06:43Z

directions: chose the one word or phrase that best describes you most of the time. and be honest!! after you have finished with the first thirty questions total all your answers like ___ many a's ___many b's etc... okay got it?

1. a) opinionated

b) nurturing

c) inventive

d) outgoing

2. a) power-oriented

b) perfectionist

c) indecisive

d) self- centered

3. a) dominant

b) sympathetic

c) tolerant

d) enthusiastic

4. a) self-serving

b) suspicious

c) unsure

d) naive

5. a) decisive

b) loyal

c) contented

d) playful

6. a) arrogant

b) worry prone

c) silently stubborn

d) flighty

7. a) assertive

b) reliable

c) kind

d) socialable

8. a) bossy

b) self-critical

c) reluctant

d) a teaser

9. a) action-oriented

b) analytical

c) easygoing

d) carefree

10. a) critical of others

b) overly sensitive

c) shy

d) obnoxious

11. a) determined

b) detail conscious

c) a good listener

d) party prson

12. a) demanding

b)unforgiving

c) unmotivated

d) vain

13. a) responsible

b) idealistic

c) considerate

d) happy

14. a) impatient

b) moody

c) passive

d) impulsive

15. a)strong-willed

b) respectful

c) patient

d) fun-loving

16. a) argumentative

b) unrealistic

c) directionless

d) an interrupter

17. a) independent

b) dependable

c) even-tempered

d) trusting

18. a) aggresive

b) frequently depressed

c) ambivalent

d) forgetful

19. a) powerful

b) deliberate

c) gentle

d) optimistic

20. a) insensitive

b) judgemental

c) boring

d) undisciplined

21. a) logical

b) emotional

c) agreeable

d) popular

22. a) always right

b) guilt prone

c) unenthusiastic

d) uncommitted

23. a) pragmatic

b) well-behaved

c)accepting

d) spontaneous

24. a) merciless

b)thoughtful

c) uninvolved

d) a show-off

25. a) task-oriented

b) sincere

c) diplomatic

d) lively

26. a) tactless

b)hard to please

c) lazy

d) loud

27. a) direct

b) creative

c) adaptable

d) a peformer

28. a) calculating

b) self-righteous

c) self-depracting

d) disorganized

29. a) confident

b) disciplined

c) pleasant

d) charismatic

30. a) intimidating

b) careful

c) unproductive

d) afraid to face facts

____ Total a's ____ Total b's ____Total c's ____Total d's

Ok here is the rest of the test, again only pick one answer and total your answers up at the end.

31. If I applied for a job, a prospective employer would most likely hire me because I am:

a. driven, direct, and delegating.

b. deliberate, accurate, and reliable.

c. patient, adaptable, and tactful.

d. fun-loving, spirited, and casual

32. When invovled in an intimate relationship, if I feel threatened by my partner, I :

a. fight back with facts and anger

b. cry, feel hurt, and plan revenge

c. become queit, withdrawm, and often hold anger until I blow up over some minor issue later

d. distance myself and avoid further conflict

33. For me, life is most meaningful when it :

a. is task-oriented and productive

b. is filled with people and purpose

c. is free of pressure adn stress

d. allows me to be playful, lighthearted, and optimistic

34. As a child, I was:

a. stubborn, bright, and/or aggressive

b. well-behaved, caring, and/or depressed

c. quiet, easygoing, and/or shy

d. too talkative, happy, and/or playful

35. As an adult, I am:

a. opinionated, determined, and/or bossy

b. responsible, honest, and/or unforgiving

c. accepting, contented, and/or unmotivated

d, charismatic, positive, and/or obnoxious

36. As a parent, I am: (just kind of guess on this one)

a. demanding, quick-tempered, and/or uncompromising

b. concerned, sensitive, and/or critical

c. permissive, easily persuaded, and/or often overwhelmed

d. playful, casual, and/or irresponsible

37. In an argument with a friend, I am most likely to be:

a. verbally stubborn about facts

b. concerned about others; feelings and principles

c. silenty stubborn, uncomfortable, and/or confused

d. loud, uncomfortable, and/or compromising

38. If my friend was in trouble, I would be:

a. protective, resourceful, and recommend solutions

b. concerned, empathetic, and loyal--- regardless of the problem

c. supportive, patient, adn a good listener

d. nonjudgemental, optimistic, and downplaying the seriousness of the situation

39. When making decisions, I am:

a. assertive, articulate, and logical

b. deliberate, precise, and catious

c. indecisive, timid, and reluctant

d. impulsive, uncommited, and inconsistent

40. When I fail, I feel:

a. silently self-critical, yet verbally stubborn adn defensive

b. guilty, self-critical, adn vulnerable to depression-- I dwell on it

c. unsettled and fearful, but i keep it to myself

d. embarrassed and nervous--seeking to escape the situation

41. If someone crossed me:

a. I am angered, and cunningly plan ways to get even quickly

b. i feel deeply hurt and find it almost impossible to forgive completely. Generally, getting even is not enough

c. I am silently hurt and plan to get even and/or completely avoid the other person

d. i want to avoid confrontation, consider the situation not important enough to bother with, and/or sek other friends

42. Work is:

a. a most productive way to spend ones time

b. a healthy activity, which should be done right if doen at all. work should be done before one plays

c. a positive activity as long as it is something i enjoy and dont feel pressured to accomplish

d. a necessary evil, much less inviting than play

43.In social situations i am most often:

a. feared by others

b. admired by others

c. protected by others

d. envied by others

44. In a relationship i am most concerned with being:

a. approved of and right

b. understood, appreciated, and intimate

c. respected, tolerant, admn peace ful

d. praised, having fun, and feeling free

45. To feel alive and positive i seek:

a. adventure, leadership, and lots of action

b. security, creativity, and purpose

c. acceptance and safety

d. excitement, playful productivity, and the company of others

_____Total a's _______Total b's _______Total c's _____Total b's

now total all your a's adn b's and etc.

____red(a) _____blue(b) ______white(c) _____yellow(d)

The color with the highest number is your personality color!

REDS----THE POWER WIELDERS

Reds have the most dominant, intimidating personality. Expressing themselves emotionally is uncomfortable and creates the vulnerability they typically void.

active & productive visionary insensitive & selfish "KING OF THE JUNGLE" demanding & critical insecure must be right competitive and bold tenacious & taxing assertive & determined disagreeable resourceful & self- reliant relentless & impatient calculating & manipulative

BLUE-----THE DO-GOODERS

Life cannot bestow on anyone a more gratifying reward then sincere appreciation and trust of a Blue friend, employer or family member.

emotinal & admired committed & loyal perfectionist highly demanding self- disciplined & stable self-sacrificing & nuturing unforgiving & resentful worried & guilty appropriate & sincere purposeful & dedicated moody & complex self-righteous & insecure

WHITE-----THE PEACEKEEPERS

Whites offer us all a model for gentle human dignity.

peacful & diplomatic insecure & nonassertive doubtful & dependent tolerant & pateint impressionable withholds feelings blendable & kind unproductive dreams unmotivated accepting boring & lazy timid & emotionally unsure gentle & even- tempered aimless & misguided idecisive silent & stubborn

YELLOW-------THE FUN LOVERS

Happy is as happy does. Yellow people love themselevs because they know exactly what they love to do and always find the time and resources to do it.

happy & fun self-centered & uncommitted irresponsible enthusiastic & carfree playful & exciting superficial disorganized & incomplete impulsive & undisciplined charismatic & popular naive & trusting flippant chatterbox

WHICH ONE ARE YOU?

i am blue and my secondary color is white

HaPpY fOuRtH oF jUlY

2004-07-04T19:52:16Z

HaPpY

FoUrTh

JULY

Love you all!! much love and kisses!!!!!!!!!

not like it was planned

2004-07-04T19:46:49Z

hey july 2 wasnt like it was planned but i had a lot of fun. first my friend britney came over to go swimming and we didnt too long because it began to rain adn thunder so we went in my room and talked and then demi called and britney and i went over there and eric adn wes came over for a while then we went to britneys house and got a lil tipsy!! and went in the hot tub with nedra stephanie nikki ashly steven matt and britney and it was so bubbly there was body wash shampoo any thign you can think of that makes bubbles were in it. it was so much fun. then britney adn i went and ran and jumped on demi adn eric while htey were making out it was funny!! then everyone got out of the hot tub after a while and briteny adn me were getting in adn i got in adn fell adn bruised my left leg i had a bump that looked like a friggen baseball!! then after that i was into her kitchen adn there was soap everywhere adn i slipped and my right leg hit the corner of the table and i got up and steven asked me if i hit my leg and i said "yeh but dont worry" and then he said "uh candace youre bleeding" i looked down and wow there was alot of blood running down my leg i didnt cry about it until stephanie put peroxide on it then it stung ;( but after all that i stayed out of the hot tub lol then later on i felt so much better because i told demi soemhting i was hiding from her and she didnt care at all i was surprised but happy!! then that night i went home and didnt fall a sleep until 5 in the morning geez i was tired!! but then saturday i hung out with britney at her house again and dressed steven up like a girl so hott!! then he walked us to the miller mart (not like a girl lol) and then i ended up goign and checking in and next thing i knew i was on my way to ndc (hospital) to get stitches because my leg was still bleeding but unfortunately they werent open so we went out to dinner ot kellys and then i came home and went next door to get butterfly stitches to hold it up so then i came home and got online until 11:00 then went to bed adn then woke up at 8:15 because i had to babysit!! so i went to babysit the little girl is so cute!! she is only 1 year old has a head full of ornage hair bright blue eyes adn now she is walking talking yelling playig and eating on her own. i remember when she was only 5 weeks old!! aww she is so cute!! but i got off at 3 then came home adn here i am. but later tongith i think im goign to the beach for fire works if it stops raining!! but for now im out because i need my leg to get bandaged up again!! it has bleeded thrugh again!! im losing a lot of blood
;( help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have been thinking

2004-07-02T01:09:01Z

lately i havent been updating for a while because i have been trying to get my thoughts straight.
so lets update!! 27th-i dont remember but it probably wasnt fun anyway!! 28th- was my brothers 21st birthday and he lives in new jeresy :( i miss him but i called him and babysat all day two kids oo so much fun!! 29th- i babysat and took my world history sol again because i failed it the first time and i found out that i failed again :( i wasnt thinking about it too much and the weird thing is i tryed studying too o well i think sols are stupid anyway and i have to take a fast track tutoring program thing on july 26-30 and get to take my sol over again on august 2 for the third time oo joy!! 30th- babysat and went outside and my parents left for connecticut for a week. and i was really upset with my dad when he got home he didnt even say hi or anything and then he didnt even say bye or i love you when he left but vicki did which is weird becasue he is my father and she isnt my mother i dont know my dad has been gone so much i dont even really know him too well!! pretty sad but he always works and leaves me and my brother here with vicki you guys know thats fun (being sarcastic)!! july 1st- well honestly last night was fun i did some things i shouldnt have but no regrets at all it was fun a lot of fun!!!! and i babysat and ent swimming
but in between those days somewhere vicki yelled and yelled and yelled at me and josh and she kept calling my brother stupid and retarted and all these mean names and i kept trying to say some thing but everytime i did she just shut up for a couple seconds and continued and she really pissed me off and then one night we were eating dinner and vicki kept yelling at me and my brother and my dad said " are yall done yet " and vicki said "tell your kids to listen" he said "why? shouldnt have to im never here" at leats he knows he is never here and everytime vicki has said " me and your father" i always say something like "how can it be you and my father when my dad is never here?" or " dad only hears what you tell him not the whole thing" and all this other shit but she really pisses me off alot and so does my dad my dad has changed ever since he married her!! :( i really dont like her and my life has changed so much and i know i never had anywhere to live before here but im kinda missing my mom my real mom. but then again i dont i dont even know its complicated. but lets see last night i stayed up all night talkign to my wonderful friend cassidy untill like 1:30 or 2:00 in the morning and before that we had a little fun with this guy online he says he is 18 but i dont think he is and he told us to call him and we did and his answer machine picked up but i just found out he called the cell number i gave him last night its all kinda funny actually. well today hopefully is a good day ill let you know later!! me an d my firend might either go to the beach or mall!!

i have been busy!!

2004-06-26T20:53:41Z

hey it was since june 16th since i last updated. alot has happened!! well lets see the 17th-last day of school no tears from me :) but it was sad!! 18th- i went to chelsea capers birthday party from 6-11:30!! there was alot of people there and when it rained we all went in her house boy were we crammed!! then we went back outside when it stopped and everyone got in the pool or the hottub the hot tub was suppose to sit maybe 4 at a time at one point there was 15 i think in it when we got up the jets were squirting us and the water was below our knees but when we were in it the water overflowed there was so many people in it. it was fun though!!! i wasnt suppose to get in because of my belly button peircing but i did and then after a while i got into the pool the water was freezing!!!! so i hopped back into the hot tub and it was alot fun during the whole thing the 19th- i went to ocean breeze with britney and cassidy for six hours!!20th-around 5 i went to my friend amandas party until 8!! 21st-nothing because my parents said that i did enough over the weekend so i wasnt allowed to do anything during the week!! 22nd-oooo geez man i had to go around for 7 hours with vicki shopping and all i got was fries and a drink!! i was pissed because i had plans to hang out with my friend and her boyfriend in the neighborhood but no i wasnt allowed and my brother got to go to mount trashmore and he did stuff over the weekend too he wnet camping and he was told exactly what i was told and he could go somewhere and i couldnt 23rd- i was going to go to the beach with cassidy britney and chelsea and plans fell through and we just hung around the neighborhood 24th- i had to clean the garage!! urrg with vicki!!!! and went to demis house around 640 and had to be home at 730 and eat and then she came over and we went walking around and we ran into four friends and we went to my backyard and put our feet in my pool and sat around and talked until 10!! 25th-it rained so i didnt go anywhere and my parents were gone and my brother and i watched 50 first dates and along came polly and talked on the phone all day and when my parents got home they didnt stay long and i ended up staying on the phone until 12 15 an di was suppose to get off at 10 but oops i lost track of time!! ha!! and today i have done nothing but clean because my parents are having a party tonight and i get to babysit everyones kids!! oo yah fun and on top of that im probably not getting paid but yeh my summer is going good!! well it was at first but now my parents are leaving for a week and i am staying here but im not allowed to do anything :( and vicki is sending people over to check on me!! so yeh im excited

its been a while!!

2004-06-16T18:23:11Z

well im gong to update on my weekend although that is all old news but oh well.......... saturday was banquet!! all i have to say is FUN!!!!! i cryed a little but it was expected especially when the three seniors started talking!! woa where is the tissues? lol but im going to miss them and i dont even know them to well but im pretty sure others are going to miss them more than i knowing the fact they are closer than i am to them!! but on sunday i went to ocean breeze!! ouch i got some sun!! lol then on monday exmas not to great but i only had one and same with tuesday and today except i had two on tues. and today. but tuesday i got the rest of my birthday present finished i got my belly button pierced!! it didnt hurt at all and it doesnt still. but the bad thing is when we were driving around my mom was like you have money to pay for parking? i was like no i didnt know i had to pay!! and then we were done and the lady at the counter was like did you want to by some of the provon(cleaner stuff) and i asked how much it was and she said 450 and i said no thanks not enuf money and vicki wouldnt but it for me how am i suppose to keep it if i dont clean it? this was suppose to be my birthday present and she was suppose to but everything she even told me she would but when we got to the store it was a total different story!! as always with her!! but hey i might want to stop complaining because she thinks i do that to much. and last night my dad asked if i cleaned it and i said no the lady told me not to and then he was like "candace go clean it" i was like "with what?" and he said "go get this its in my room" and it wasnt the stuff she told me to clean it wiht but whatevr i guess parents know best so i cleaned it with it after putting up a fight about it! i was very tired yesterday you could tell if you were near me!!lol but then also when i got home i had ot babysit and i did for hours and and when the little girls dad got home he gave me 20 dollars and vicki found out she was like "you need to go give that back it was only four hours and its not like she was bad or you had to watch her yourself" but ok if i didnt have to watch her myself why was i asked by her dad if i could watch her and why couldnt i go and hang out with my friends? so i had to go reurn it and i need money ot buy the cleaner stuff for my bellybutton and to buy my friends birhtday gifts that i am going to on friday and sunday!! yikes my mom took the money away and i know she isnt going ot buy anything for them!! damn her she haa to ruin everything. thank god her and my dad are leaving at the end of this month to connecticut until july 6 i cant wait ill that day comes!!the good thing is i get to stay home while they are gone but i have to have one their friends stay here with me so i dont get into any trouble!! although i probably would if she wasnt going to be here so that might be good because if i did anything wrong it would be a very long summer for me~!!!! and boring!! well my hands are begining to hurt typing so im going to make an end to this entry!!

in one day i have to say goodbye to all the seniors and in one day i will be a sophmore!! :) &:(